The Fifth Grade

Today at lunch my friend Karla was telling us she was a little anxious because her son had his first test of the school year today…Fifth Grade Social Studies. The continents, great lakes, etc, etc. She was praising his teacher for her use of mnemonics to help the kids remember various things such as Europe has five sons; Africa, Asia, Australia , Antarctica and America for all of the continents. This resulted in all of my friends reciting the mnemonics they learned in grade school and how they still remember them. I’ve always been jealous of everyone and their little mnemonics and learning songs. Apparently my grade school didn’t believe in this type of learning because I don’t know any fun songs or mnemonics. I can't even tell you what I learned in the fifth grade but I’ll tell you what I do remember: I relished my last year of recess. I loved my teacher, Mrs. Lang. My history teacher, Mr. Wiesner, drank warm milk every day (disgusting).My math teacher, Mr. Williams, was a creepo who had a mail-order bride from the Philippines, used to touch your back to see if you were wearing a bra and among other inappropriate things, asked a few girls if they had started their period (um yes he did eventually get fired for this). My fondest memory was reading the book Hatchet which happens to be my husband’s all time favorite book and may have been the last book he ever read – ha! So that pretty much sums up the fifth grade for me which might explain my major blonde moment of the day. One of the mnemonics mentioned at lunch was HOMES for the great lakes (Huron, Ontario, Michigan, Erie, Superior). As I was thinking of this mnemonic and reciting the names of the lakes in my head I got to one I couldn't think of and said – which lake starts with an R? The girls sitting near me thought they heard me wrong and gave me a weird look, so again I asked which one started with an R. It was killing me! I just couldn't figure it out until I realized the mnemonic HOMES doesn't even have an R in it which is why I couldn't think of the name of the lake! Yikes!

As I type this I’m thinking I may need to consider repeating the fifth grade, but then again I can tell you how to calculate Gross Domestic Product by using the mnemonic PIRATED: Profits of corporations & sole proprietors + Interest + Rental income + Adjustment to foreign income + Taxes + Employee salaries + Depreciation. So take that fifth grade!